I weep for the future

My son just came up to me and said "Dad, what's an internet? Some friends at school were telling me about it, and I was pretty sure you had one, but I couldn't remember".

Panic Order

Don't you hate it when you sit down in a restaraunt with five or six friends, and you're all terrified to order first? It's like every single one of you is determined to be the most politest-est one in the group, in hopes that someone will say "you're cool, let me get the tip".

And then someone finally breaks the food-ice and begins to order a drink, but changes their mind several times from domestic draft, to some crappy foreign bottled horse piss.

Okay, the drinks have been ordered, you are chugging away, just as happy as Smeagol in a jewelery store. Now the waitress (who looks like Rosie O'Donnell with a comb-over) reminds you that there is still food to be ordered here. So the cycle starts all over again. You order first, but the pressure of have six people behind you waiting to order makes you lose focus and actually shuts off the "Logic" part of your brain. This causes you to order something that looks like this.






     


Now it's time to leave. Thank God this night is over!! How could a night at Applebee's go any worse. And what do your buddies say after all depart and go your seperate ways?
                                                     
                  Buddies : That was fun man. Wanna do this again next weekend?

                                           You: Sure!! Hell yeah!

Fuck my life.....





                             

This Made my day!!

The Truth

You don't have insomnia. You just have an internet connection. There's a difference. Now shut off your computer and go get some sleep. Why are you still here? I won't get mad that you stopped reading my blog, even though i am overjoyed that you found it. SLEEP!! NOW! Your body will hate you in the morning if you don't. You have been warned.

How's this for a title?

The bird thing didn't turn out so well. I went outside and they all flew off, leaving me standing there with some birdseed and a few crackers. I was out of cheese, so I ate the crackers and some of the birdseed. It was then that I began to think about my own mortality and how one day I will die. You all know you've thought about it too. You'll be laying awake in bed one night having just watched CNN or an Adam Sandler movie and you wonder how people can go on about their lives the way they do in a world where there are such things as poverty, starvation, and Happy Gilmore. Then you think of something funny, blow off your previous thoughts of sadness, and disregard this depression until a later time. It usually comes back when you accidentally engage in conversation with a hipster, or your daughter wants you to rent Bedtime Stories for the weekend. Well, I do believe I have found the solution for these feelings of futility. Go outside. Take up a hobby. Learn how to play frisbee golf. Anything to keep you away from the television. I don't have cable in my house, so that's not so much of an issue for me, but I do have a rock solid internet connection, which in some cases is worse. Just try and become active in anything. If you are already, good for you. Pass this advice on to any friends who you may notice who are less than cheerful. To help get your imagination going, I've uncluded a picture of Snoopy.

First (non half-assed) Post

Okay, I've got a few minutes to sit down and do this properly. I have my feet up, my favorite Drowning Pool c.d. playing, and a Sprite. And I am still drawing a blank. Oh well....if at first you don't succeed, you are completley worthless and should just surrender to the birds and the plague. Imma go find some birds.

First Post

So I've heard about this blogging thing, and how cool it is, so I decided I'd take a stab at it. I know there is nobody reading this right now, but I don't mind, because no matter what happens, I'll still have my cheese. (I'll think of something to post that will be enjoyable to read, but for now this is all I've got. More to come).